Have you ever had one of those days where nothing is wrong and nothing bad happens but nothing good happens either so you feel down without knowing why? I've been stuck in a whole week of those for some reason. It's been just such a bleh week. Nothing is really going on, nothing seems to get done, and all I want to do is sleep. I don't know why I've been so depressed but I feel like I'm bringing down everyone else around me and I don't like that feeling.
Today was particularly bad... I woke up with a feeling of dread, I trudged to school, I sat in class and zoned, then felt like lead for the rest of the day. In sculpture it took me almost two hours to make a rectangle mold out of clay when it would take me a half an hour on a (an? 'an usual' sounds weird to me) usual day. It just felt like I was trying to mold steel with my hands and I felt very weak and tired, so unfocused and dazed, that I just couldn't get it right. I guess I didn't get in trouble only because Bobby Joe said he felt the same way, which made me realize how many other people were feeling the same way. It was like a cloud of 'meh' had settled over our city and was making tempers short, happiness feel grey, emotions ultra sensitive, and work seem like a monumental task.
I really hope the haze breaks soon, I'm afraid it might lead to a breaking point for me. I really can't handle another one so soon after the last. Here's to hoping the weekend will give me time to rest and regroup so I can snap out of it.
February 17, 2011
February 5, 2011
February 2, 2011
I survived!
I survived Blizzard 2011! Woohoo!
We had 22 inches here in Homer Glen with drifts well over 6 feet deep. We couldn't even open our back door onto the balcony this morning. We spent a good 4 hours shoveling/snow blowing the driveway and 2 balconies so we would be able to get up before spring. It was INSANE! The dog loved it though, so that's good. He dug himself a tunnel from one side of the yard to the other and kept popping up out of the snow like this fox:
It was hilarious to watch. Too bad I was too busy shoveling to get my camera out. I'm going to probably get him doing it again tomorrow though, so pictures will be a must. Hope everyone got through the crazy THUNDERSNOW alright last night! Our lights kept flickering and it was pretty scary. Lucky we didn't lose power. Alright, going to go drink some hot tea and enjoy being inside.
We had 22 inches here in Homer Glen with drifts well over 6 feet deep. We couldn't even open our back door onto the balcony this morning. We spent a good 4 hours shoveling/snow blowing the driveway and 2 balconies so we would be able to get up before spring. It was INSANE! The dog loved it though, so that's good. He dug himself a tunnel from one side of the yard to the other and kept popping up out of the snow like this fox:
It was hilarious to watch. Too bad I was too busy shoveling to get my camera out. I'm going to probably get him doing it again tomorrow though, so pictures will be a must. Hope everyone got through the crazy THUNDERSNOW alright last night! Our lights kept flickering and it was pretty scary. Lucky we didn't lose power. Alright, going to go drink some hot tea and enjoy being inside.
January 26, 2011
New Idea
Ok, so, I came up with this new idea for my portfolio. I am still focusing on the sexual nature of people but in a more specialized area. I want to focus on Dominance and Submission. My work from the past reflects my interest in this already, so I figured that I might as well continue with this string. I have always been fascinated and captivated by the whole aura of dominance and submission. I love the art it produces because of the emotions and the amount of tension in each piece. Aside from the content, the feel of each piece is always so commanding and forward, so provocative, that it's hard to ignore.
I am going to have a lot of fun with this. I am still going to use my original idea of sexuality as a whole, so using both gay and straight partners, multiple partners, and I'm going to try to portray internal struggles too. I want to turn out at least 10 pieces with this theme and I believe that will be no problem now that I have so many idea swirling in my head.
In other news, I have one of the greatest friends and teachers in the world. Ms. Jaime O'Connor and her husband have given me the privilege to use their photography studio to work on my portfolio. I told Jaime about my lack of resources and how I can't afford to do high-end photography that would look best for my work, so she made me a deal. I can use their studio in exchange for helping her husband create his new website and business cards. You have no idea how excited I am about this! Now it's just my job to find some models for me and I believe I can get about 3 for sure. I need some help though, so if anyone wants to volunteer or knows someone who would be willing to work for free/food, then I would be SO GRATEFUL!
Alright, time to get crackin' on my ideas and turn out a few pieces of digital design work as well as the fetish work so I can have a little variety.
I am going to have a lot of fun with this. I am still going to use my original idea of sexuality as a whole, so using both gay and straight partners, multiple partners, and I'm going to try to portray internal struggles too. I want to turn out at least 10 pieces with this theme and I believe that will be no problem now that I have so many idea swirling in my head.
In other news, I have one of the greatest friends and teachers in the world. Ms. Jaime O'Connor and her husband have given me the privilege to use their photography studio to work on my portfolio. I told Jaime about my lack of resources and how I can't afford to do high-end photography that would look best for my work, so she made me a deal. I can use their studio in exchange for helping her husband create his new website and business cards. You have no idea how excited I am about this! Now it's just my job to find some models for me and I believe I can get about 3 for sure. I need some help though, so if anyone wants to volunteer or knows someone who would be willing to work for free/food, then I would be SO GRATEFUL!
Alright, time to get crackin' on my ideas and turn out a few pieces of digital design work as well as the fetish work so I can have a little variety.
January 19, 2011
Trying to climb a glass wall or finally getting a foothold?
see more Gifs
So, I realize I am probably one of the most lazy people on the planet, and I have come to accept this. My procrastination has always been spawned from my hatred of doing homework, which inevitably is why I am not an A-B student. It isn't that I am not intelligent or that I don't understand the content (excluding the bane of existence: math) it's just that I hate doing pointless amounts of paperwork or tedious assignments when I already understand the subject matter.
For example, I could easily get an A in history, but I often get Bs or Cs because I find that wasting time writing out answers to questions already covered in class outside of a test is just tedious filler work that eats up my time of doing something fun or more important (like watching all 6 seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer). On the other hand, I do realize that I should try to be productive by doing things that I both enjoy and that I can use in my professional life.
On that note, I am signing up this weekend to bartending school so I can get certified and start working to save up money to move out by the time I graduate in the winter of next year. I am also going to go sometime next week to apply for some internships (probably unpaid and once a week) just so I get my foot in the door for my REAL profession. I have always wanted to bartend on the side though, so I will have fun making this my part-time job and cash cow until I can get on my own two feet in the design world. I am also going to the hardware store today to get a cheap pressure washer so I can start doing some decent print work in my studio at home.
I also need to go to Chicago Screenprinting to get some supplies because that damn Yudo machine shit is too expensive and I know I can get screens and silk screen chemicals for cheap there. I just have to find the time to go and maybe drag someone with me because I am always terrified to go to new places alone since I have the tendency to get lost and panic the first time I go. Maybe I will drag George... Hmm...
I guess the whole point of this post is to say that although I probably will never stop procrastinating, that doesn't mean I won't get things done. I just like to do them at my own pace. So, time to act like a mother fucking adult and get stuff done!
...After today.
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